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 Heads up, all you boaters
It’s time for a committee
By BOB E. SHERMAN
Waterfront News Columnist
Most boaters know the difference between WMDs (weapons of mass destruction) and MSDs (marine sanitation devices). Congress, on the other hand, seems to spend as much time regulating MSDs as they do looking for WMDs. A recent article in “BoatU.S.” suggests that the “universal pump-out symbol is not generally recognized by boaters.” This may be because there’s a dearth of these signs and many of the existing ones located in front of pump-out stations don’t work. I visited the website: www.marinepumpouts.com and found no listings for Florida. Obviously, there are some in Florida and the website needs to be updated.
As a past member of the Hallandale Beach Marine Advisory Committee, I was privy to plans for the city’s new marina, which called for a pump-out station located in an inaccessible corner of a dead-end canal. I suggested a more accessible location to the shock of a city representative who stated, “Then everyone would use it.” I was stupefied. The marina is still not built while permits are stuck in a bureaucratic quagmire — much of it over seagrass or some other fish and wildlife issue.
About 13 million boats exist in the U.S., translating to at least 30 million boaters. Shouldn’t we humans get our own federal agency? The Fish and Wildlife Service (FWS) regulates many boating issues. And they’re only concerned with fish and wildlife. Truth be known, they would probably be happy if there were no boats to mess up their environment. If the Fish and Wildlife folks are really concerned about the water quality — whatever their motive is — there should be no marina that does not have a working pump-out facility.
My condo marina does not have a pump-out facility. Several years ago, I was falsely accused of “dumping my head” at the marina. The dockmaster, who didn’t like me, had led the condo board astray. Most of the board had never even visited the marina, let alone knew what an MSD was.
Without any evidence to support the allegations, the manager sent out a certified letter stating that I had violated several sections of condo documents, Florida state statutes, Federal EPA regulations and the RICO Act. One of the board members approached me several weeks later and said that he had read the reports and didn’t understand why I would “stick my head in the water” at the marina. He now knows the difference between my head and a marine head.
It is legal to dump your head in the ocean if you are at least 3 miles from shore, with the exception of the Florida Keys, which are in a “no discharge zone.” On a trip with my yacht club several years ago to Key West, we could not find a functioning pump-out at any of the marinas we visited. When we arrived at Key West, we were able to pump out with the city’s mobile pump-out boat. The Galleon, an otherwise beautiful marina, had no pump-out and the marina next door had one that didn’t work.
I think it’s about time to revive CEPTIA, the Committee to End Pay Toilets in America. In the mid 1970s, CEPTIA was successful in banning pay toilets in Florida and many other states. Since CEPTIA is probably defunct, I propose a new organization: CRAP — the Committee for Readily Accessible Pump-outs.
I call on all boaters to support CRAP. Write your representatives and demand that they listen to our CRAP. We want free pump-outs at all marinas. We will also lobby for cheaper biodegradable toilet paper. If the federal government can subsidize farmers, why not toilet paper?
I’m sure you can imagine life without summer squash. But, can you imagine life without toilet paper? It’s about time for boaters to take action. I also call on the 8 million RV owners to support CRAP, as they face some of the same issues.
Musician Sheryl Crow’s recent recommendation to use one sheet is not the answer to this problem. We need free pump-outs and cheap paper.
If you would like to join the grassroots movement CRAP, e-mail Bob at
signals@bobsherman.com .
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Bob E. Sherman is a boater based in Hallandale Beach. He is author of the book “Am I the Only One That Signals?”. He can be e-mailed at: signals@bobesherman.com .
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